he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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