There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
