this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When are your genitals available?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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