He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do herpes really smell.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
