Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
