i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
