If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know her cup size but not her name....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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