My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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