It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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