it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
