I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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