Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
