hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
