Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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