Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
