He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
