Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
