ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
