Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
