so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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