was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
