you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
