so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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