Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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