Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
