I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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