Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
