Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
