My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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