i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Someone came in the potted fern
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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