I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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