i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
