After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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