one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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