So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
