She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My vagina is very pro this idea
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