she was so not down for the gang bang
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
