I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
