I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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