You just made me feel so damn special
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
