there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
