Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So many bounce houses so little time
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
