I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
