I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
