I can text with my tongue
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
