Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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