hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
