You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
