I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
