worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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