i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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