So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
