Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
