She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
