He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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