No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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