Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
