Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
