Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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